Protect yourself | part 2

  - It is believed that adolescents are at risk of suicide. How should parents behave to reduce the likelihood of tragedy?

- Teenagers are impulsive, they are easily "infected" with ideas and are highly influenced by outsiders. At this age, a wall of alienation often grows between children and parents. The child has nowhere to go, the parents become his enemies.

To reduce the risk of suicide, children should not be allowed to completely withdraw. Parents should listen to the child and, most importantly, accept him. At this age, children try, discover new things, and they have the right to do so.

For example, a teenager dyed his hair green - no need to judge him, it is better to discuss, try to understand what he wants to say by this.

A child should always have a person who can support him in any situation. After all, suicide is about loneliness. Moreover, loneliness is not the actual absence of people around, but a lack of understanding.

If a person is left alone with a bunch of unsolvable, in his opinion, problems, he simply does not see any other way out.

- Based on your experience, what most often led people to suicidal thoughts?

- There are many reasons for suicidal mood, but depression is considered the main one. Also, the thought of committing suicide often appears during a crisis - some kind of change, when the old ways to cope with difficulties stopped working, and new ones did not have time to appear. For example, changing jobs, getting married, divorcing, moving, or having a baby. This is due to adaptation: some people get used to it faster, while others find it very difficult to adapt.

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- What should a person do if he has suicidal thoughts?

- If a person has fears for his own life, you need to contact a psychologist. A good specialist will either help himself or, if necessary, refer you to a psychiatrist for medication support.

But first, you need to understand if your thoughts are really dangerous or if it's just a surge of emotion.

If something is spinning in my head like “how did I get tired of all this, I would shoot myself,” then most likely there is nothing wrong and the person is able to cope on his own. But if suicide is perceived as a real way out and the thought of it really makes a person feel better, it is dangerous - and in this case an urgent visit to a specialist is needed.

- In what other cases is it worth contacting a psychologist?

- Normally, a person should have a constant feeling (background experience), which can be described something like this: "I cope with my life, I am happy, I am not particularly worried about anything." When this feeling disappears, you should pay attention to yourself. And if you can't figure it out yourself, go to a specialist.

A visit to a psychologist is like a visit to a dentist. Someone regularly goes to the dentist, and someone runs only when the inflammation has gone all over the cheek. It's the same story with psychologists: some people constantly maintain psychological health, others end up in a specialist's office when everything is already very bad. And this extreme should not be allowed.

- What do you mean by "handle yourself"?

- There are several ways to self-relieve emotional stress.

First, tears. I find them to be a wonderful natural mechanism for psychological relief.

Secondly, physical activity.

Any exercise helps to reduce emotional stress and, most importantly, return us to the body. And the feeling of the body cannot be lost.

I also recommend periodically doing grounding exercises: set aside two minutes, close your eyes and just think - try to understand how you are feeling at the moment, whether you want to eat or sleep. This is enough to return to the optimal state.

- And what to do in case of stress after the tragedy?

- In such cases, of course, everyone copes in their own way, based on their own resources. But for everyone, the main thing is to accept the tragedy: to understand that it has already happened. Life has changed and it will not be the same. Doesn't mean which is worse or better, it is unknown. But it will be different.

If a person feels that he needs any help, it is imperative to look for it until it becomes easier. For some, it is enough to call the helpline, for others - to talk to relatives or friends, and for some it is better to immediately contact a psychologist.

- I think many are afraid of psychologists because of the unknown: they do not know what to expect from a visit. Please tell us how your reception is going.

- Yes it's true. But in fact, everything is quite prosaic. A man comes into an office - there are two chairs, a table, water or tea and a pack of napkins. We get to know each other, the client tells about everything that worries him. The standard appointment with a psychologist is 50 minutes, once a week.

- How many sessions do you usually have?

- How long the whole process will take, I never know right away. For example, someone after a tragedy may leave in three months, and someone will continue to grieve six months later.

- How many sessions do you usually have?

- How long the whole process will take, I never know right away. For example, someone after a tragedy may leave in three months, and someone will continue to grieve six months later.

I use three main formats of work: one-time, short-term and long-term. Let's say a young mother comes to me and tells me that her three-year-old child has gone crazy. I calm her down in one go, explain what a crisis of three years is. In this case, one session is sufficient.

The short-term format - from two to six months - involves solving a specific problem. For example, fear of speaking in front of an audience. With long-term therapy (maybe over several years), a deep study of the personality takes place, its change.

- What methods do you use?

- In addition to the usual conversation therapy, I use Jungian sand.

A man draws pictures on a special tray with sand and figurines. Such as he wants. I see the resulting drawings symbolically - as a reflection of what is inside.

For me, the person sitting opposite is a separate world that lives according to its own, different from my laws. And he knows better than me how he should be. Sand therapy is a very gentle and deep method. It allows the client to share with me what is difficult to say out loud.

I always adhere to this therapeutic position: with one foot on the client's side, I share his feelings, but do not forget that I am still a therapist and these are not my emotions. I can and must withstand them. Sometimes, of course, it's hard. When I was leading suicide groups, after the sessions it always took some time to recover.

In general, every self-respecting psychologist has a supervisory group (a professional association for the exchange of experience, ideas), in which he discusses his own work. After each client, I try to analyze how I worked, how well I dealt with the problem. This helps to unload, avoid burnout.